On Cooking

Many of my friends here think that I can cook. However, few of them have ever tasted any of my cooking and most surprisingly, I've never actually cooked a proper meal for anyone here before. I have always contributed to cook outs by bringing a single dish, which is usually the simplest thing that I can think of making. But I've never actually made a proper meal for anyone before.

So, I think that most of my friends here do not really know that I can cook. They are just assuming that I can actually cook. I'm not really sure if they will still think that way, if they taste my real cooking. I do not own any special recipes nor many cooking utensils. I just cook whatever I feel like making, however I feel like making it, within reason. I do love to experiment but once I find something that I like making, I can usually make the same thing for many days/weeks without getting bored of it.

As a general rule, my cooking will never look good and will often sport a unique taste. However, it's all perfectly edible. I do love to eat and as a rule, people who can appreciate food, tend to make good cooks (we also tend to be a little obese). Recently, I have gotten myself a wok and I have been having a splendid time cooking friend noodles and rice in it. For some reason, they never quite taste the right way when prepared in a pan.

I've also been experimenting with a few different things. Just thinking about them is making me hungry. But here's a short list of what I've been whipping up recently:

• Yeast extract stewed chicken
• Tomato ketchup fried chicken
• Dry chilli powder fried chicken
• Black pepper fried sliced bacon
  
• Seafood fried egg noodles
• Chicken mushroom soup rice

That should give you an idea of how unique things can taste. Maybe I should just cook a proper meal for everyone, before I leave for good. Just so that I can have the fun of giving everyone food poisoning. Haha!

Unusual Witness

Some friends have told me that I should not be so emotional on my blog. They say that it makes me look like a sissy. Seeing that I feel that emotions are my source of strength, I don't see what is wrong with it. However, I do think that there are other interesting things to talk about. So, I promised them that I will not write about my emotional issues, until I finally get over them. But that's not today.

So, anyone looking for juicy gossip can just go read some other person's blog. For now, I will talk about other issues. Today, I will talk about an increasing number of weird things that I've witnessed in the last few days. Might be a full moon coming up soon.

On my train ride back from London over the weekend, I noticed a couple making out at one end of the train. I was sitting in the front car, facing the front of the train. As the train got under way, a couple made their way right up to the front of the car. I didn't make too much of it at the beginning until I caught them making out. Well, I didn't actually witness them making out but from what I could catch, including the body language and the looks they gave each other, it certainly looked a lot like that.

Normally, when I witness a couple making out, I would think that they should go find somewhere a little more private. But interestingly enough, I found this couple rather sweet. In case you were wondering why, it's because this was an elderly couple, old enough to be my parents. I think that it's fairly cute for a couple that age, to still make out on a public train. I guess that their passions are still very much alive, even after so many years.

Then, on my walk back from dinner today, I witnessed another couple making out. However, they were a young couple, possibly in their late teens, making out right in front of the ATM machine right outside Grafton, that I regularly use to withdraw cash from. In fact, I do believe that the girl might actually be partially seated on the machine, from the way that the two of them were positioned. I thought that they should go inside and find a more private place.

This leads me to another interesting thing that I had witnessed yesterday, which is inside Grafton, a local shopping mall. I was rushing through it but I managed to see a cleaner putting on a pair of gloves and picking up rubbish from the floor. What caught my eye was the fact that there was a supervisor looking on. I found it rather weird that there would be someone supervising a cleaner cleaning the floor, until I saw what the cleaner picked up: a used condom!

Which led me to wonder, why anyone would want to dump a used condom, in the middle of the floor of a mall. I wondered if someone might have had a quick tryst in one of the changing rooms and then didn't have the courtesy to properly dispose of the used item. But I guess that it is also possible that some couple might have decided to adjourn their merry making from the outside ATM to somewhere a little more private, inside the mall.

Anyway, just thought that I'd share it.

Learning how to say NO

NO!

It isn't too hard to say. Just two letters and one syllable. But I always wonder why it is that most women have trouble saying it. Okay, this entry is going to be in two parts. Part 1 will be on how to say NO and Part 2 will be the reason that I'm writing this.

Part 1
It is generally the prerogative of the man to make the first move. This opens up the guy to a whole manner of hurt. So at the very least, the lady should learn how to give a straight answer. The trouble with most women is that they don't. Regardless of whether the answer is a yes/no/maybe, it rarely becomes clear at all. Some of my friends here are constantly in limbo. Now, I'd like to give some tips to the ladies.

1. Be prompt.
   Yes, do not wait for several days before giving him an answer. And trying to ignore the situation while hoping for it to go away, is also not an answer. Any implied answers are open to a whole world of speculation and are not answers either. So, please give an answer as soon as you can sum up enough courage to face the situation.
   
   
2. Be honest to yourself.
   Regardless of how much you think you are hurting a guy by saying no, you are actually hurting him more by giving him a half-ass answer which puts him into limbo. If he has made the honest move and been honest with his feelings, the very least that he deserves, is an honest answer, whatever it may be. We are made of some pretty hard stuff, not brittle glass. It is going to hurt like hell if we get rejected, but we will bounce back. Rarely do guys commit suicide because of love. It's only silly little girls who do.
   
   
3. Be clear as crystal.
   This is particularly true if you are planning to reject his advances. A no needs to be a flat out one. Don't make the no end up as a maybe/I'm not sure/please try again later. It is going to be painful for you to lead him on unnecessarily, only to hurt him after he has invested more into the relationship (whatever form it takes). If you are truly not sure, then tell him that you are truly not sure. Don't say no and then say you're not sure. That is a half-ass no. If it's a yes, just say so!
   
   
4. Be firm.
   Again, very important if you are saying no. Learn to say it with a straight face. If you have to, practise in a mirror. You need to say it with conviction, and not with some lost look on your face. It is just going to confuse the poor guy if you say no, with a sad look on your face. He will think that you are actually confused and that confusion will spill over.
   

Now that we are clear on how to say no, let's talk about why I'm making this entry.

Part 2
The young lady that I've been pursuing for a while, gave me a no. But she confused matters by giving a half-ass no. So, I became unsure of what her no meant. Therefore, the only course of action that I could take was to continue my pursuit. However, we had a very long and meaningful conversation last night, which has cleared up many things and balanced off many others.

Now, things are fairly clear on what our feelings are (or in her case, lack of) for each other. So, now we can go back to being friends. You may wonder why I'm not being emotional about this, it's simply because things just haven't quite hit me yet. Presently, I'm still in denial mode. I can sense that my heart and head are sending out different messages. But it's going to hurt like mad, when it hits me, that I'm sure of. I was not very careful with my feelings. But that's just the way it is.

I do think that I'll continue to carry a torch for her. How long it's for, is anybody's guess. However, all I can hope for now is for us to continue being friends. It would have helped if she could tell me what it was about me that turned her off me. Then, there would have been something for me to focus on. But she couldn't identify anything and I did not press her for it.

But I guess that I'll just need to live with it. At least we were both honest with each other and we had a clear conversation on many things. We joked about a lot of funny little things and awkward situations. I even gave her a few pointers on how to handle such situations again, in the future, because I'm very sure that she'll have many more suitors.

I'm also glad that we had this conversation now, because I would've invested a lot into this relationship. But even now, I'm still thinking if I should give up or not. I don't really know for sure yet. I am not generally a quitter, especially when I think that the end is worth it. In fact, my brain is still scheming on how to get things to work. However, I also know that these things cannot be forced onto anybody. So, I will need to think about this thing later. This might just be part of the denial process.

Part 3
Okay, there is a third part. It's about myself. I'm just a little low on self esteem now. So, it wouldn't hurt if people told me that I was hemsem, creber, and kyoot or similar. What's hurting my self esteem is my failure rate in these things. It's getting to the state where things are a little worrisome for me. I know that I'm not particularly attractive. So, I do not expect women to just fly into my arms and am prepared to work for it. But it's kind of sad that the women whom I fancy, all end up deciding that they just want to be good friends with me.

Nice guys tend to come last. Sigh.

Matang Dah!

Another day, another year. Last year, I officially surpassed the universal definition of a youth. This year, I officially enter the territory of people too old to be wanted by the government. So, I guess that regardless of what I may think, I have to admit that I am old. At the very least, I am no longer young. Some may wonder why I try to cling on to youth as much as I do. The answer is very simple, I have not had much of one.

As I was growing up, I was in a rush. While my parents were protective and tried to let me enjoy my childhood as much as possible, I was too strong and rebellious for them to contain. While others partied on weekends, I worked. While school holidays meant more time for fun for my peers, they meant more time for me to dedicate to work. In the end, I traded my childhood for independence. I do not regret any of this, as I did force my way through to it.

As I entered university, things did not change much. While my friends were busy working hard and enjoying life and some independence, my focus was elsewhere. I was once again, trying to do even more than before. At one point, things almost ruined me, but I never let anyone know of it at the time. I had to learn many bitter lessons and am grateful for it. The price of the tuition, was much of my youth. Again, I do not regret it, as I had jumped in with both feet.

But sometimes, I do wonder how things might have been like. These days, I take a very different outlook in life. I deliberately decided to take things at a different speed and to take some time to smell the roses. I sometimes see some friends, who are trying their best to rush into the future. I try advising them against it sometimes, but they don't normally listen. For some things, there is no need to rush headlong into meeting them. They will come naturally, with time.

I have come to realise that there is more to life than I had thought and some of these things need to be savoured slowly. While sounding like this, it's no wonder that I feel old. I sound old and I am old! Hate to admit it, but admit it I shall. I am no longer young. It's time to let go of my youth and move on. Yeay!

PS: My friend just told me: "I think the word for that is 'mature', Shawn". Matang dah!

The Dream is Failing

I have had a long suspicion that Lim Kit Siang, one of our most prominent opposition leaders for the last few decades, has gone senile. Now, I believe that I have confirmation that he really has. I'd like to dedicate this open letter to him:

Dear Uncle Kit,

I know that I do not have any authority to speak on this matter but I thought that I should just let you know what I think about what's happening in Perak. I can assure you that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Obviously I'm not privy to the matters behind the scenes but I'd like to raise your attention to the harm that's potentially being done there.

I read with consternation a MalaysiaKini report that you are asking Perak DAP to boycott the Menteri Besar swearing in ceremony. I think that this action will cause more harm than good for everyone in the long run.

The Perak Regent had selected whom he felt would be best suited as the MB. From what I have read from the report, the person seems to be well educated, a professional and a businessman. At face value, the credentials seem to put him in good stead to run the state. PAS obviously knows that they cannot go overboard in Perak simply because DAP gets the bulk of the state seats.

Before the decision, all sides had said that they would respect the Regent's decision and work together on common ground. But now that the decision has been made, you comes out to make harmful statements like this. This calculated boycott does not only make DAP look like sore losers but also disrespectful children. It seems like you are giving the Regent "the finger" and I doubt that it will go down well considering that many people like the Regent and think of him as a well educated, moderate and sane person. You want to have that man on your side.

DAP is probably trying to show that you are not in bed with PAS but it doesn't work because it is obvious to everyone that you need to work with PAS in order to run the state as you do not hold enough seats in the assembly. And it won't work with any voters older than 25 who still remember 1999 when you openly worked together. So, I don't really know who you are trying to send the message, of distancing yourself from PAS, to. If you are worrying that the MCA will make an issue out of it, don't. Don't let them pull your strings.

By doing things like this, you will make it seem like the Perak state government is weak and divided and that the opposition parties cannot work together. Perak should serve as a model of how racial politics isn't an issue, but it's turning into a disaster. It should be evidently clear by now that the average Malaysian voter is not entirely stupid. This simple act of sabotage may come back to bite all of you later.

I hope this makes sense. Please do not ruin this beautiful opportunity given to you by the rakyat.

with metta,
Shawn Tan.

Perak was supposed to serve as a shining beacon of what Malaysia could be. The state has a sane and well educated royal family whom everyone loves. There is a good mix of the major races in the state and the political parties are not able to monopolise the government. Please do not shatter this dream.

Reflection

The shock waves are still coursing throughout the world (France24, BBC, FT, Reuters, TIME, WP, NYT) today. Yes, we can. Change is within our grasp. We have shown our rejection for politics of the old to both our ruling and opposition coalition. However, at this point, I shall quote another line from Lord of The Rings:

The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while the Company is true.

These are interesting, unpredictable times that we live in. After the euphoria settles, everyone will need to get down to work. The rakyat have spoken and we will now be keeping score. The playing field has never been as level as it is now. And nobody really knows what it means.

I don't really care what it means at the moment. I just want to blog about how I feel at the moment. Yes, it's precarious times and if we are not careful, we will shoot ourselves in the foot. Sectarian politics seems to have been rejected, but the results could be further division. However, I am sure that hope remains, because the rakyat have spoken true.



As the report says, the dynamics of local politics has changed. I am happy that the people are more than just aware, but are capable of taking their awareness to the next level, and bring about change. Talk about the silent majority. You never hear a peep from these people until the time comes to cast their ballot. I don't think that we can ever assume that silence means consent any more. We are silent only because we do not wish to stir up any trouble.

Regardless of the political results, it is now time for us to come together as a nation and work together to fix the problems of the past. We need to focus on improving the welfare for everyone, and not just a small political elite. I am a strong supporter of accountability and transparency. I want the government that has efficacy and efficiency. No more sleeping heads and misinformation, please.

Now for an announcement from our dearest Pak Lah. Note the lacklustre cheering. I know that you are dejected, but do not be depressed. Take this as a kick in the behind that you all sorely needed.



PS: I find it rather cute that our former PM has already apologised for selecting a noob as his successor and our current PM is still in denial over what has been a rout. Let's just hope that the internal UMNO power struggles do not spill into the streets. Let's keep it all nice and civil, yar!

Malaysia Boleh!

Well, it's just a matter of waiting for the official results. But we have already shown to everyone in the world that we can do it. Malaysia Boleh! I was supposed to get some work done today, but obviously, the excitement was too much for me to take.

I am glad that the young have won against the old everywhere. Incumbents, Chief Ministers, Ministers and Deputy Ministers were completely slaughtered in the elections. The latest news is that four states had fallen into opposition hands. Our PM had already conceded defeat in Kelantan, Kedah and Penang. However, Selangor came as a big surprise to everyone. Our opposition claims to have secured 40% of parliament. Let's just hope that no more magic ballot boxes disappear and reappear anywhere.

Malaysians have shown that we want change. We want something different. So, it's time that the government sat up and listened to the people. I'm emotionally tired now. I'll just take a break.

Malaysia Boleh!

PS: I'll not analyse the situation yet for a few more days. Things are still fairly volatile and anything can happen in politics. We will see the shape of things to come in a while.

Polling Closes

Darn it, I told myself that I was not going to blog about this election anymore. But as a result of the lively political discussions that I had yesterday with a bunch of friends, I had been kicked off my lazy behind to talk about this election. There are just too many facets of it to talk about but I would like to talk about how it makes me feel.

I am excited. For a long time, I have not been as excited over Malaysian politics in my life. I see this election as a measure of our country's future because it is turning out to be an election of new versus old. There is an electrifying air of change, storming through our nation. It is a signal from the people, especially the younger generation, that the old politics no longer appeal to us and we wish to have something different.

For the last few years, I have often blogged about my feelings of despair and dismay at the changes being wrought to our beautiful nation by the ruling government. Our Constitution was being openly trampled upon by the judiciary, our social contract was being one-sidedly reneged by the growing dominance of a single political party, and there did not seem to be anyone who had the ability to stop the rot.

It had seemed that the Malaysia today is nothing like the Malaysia that I grew up in. The country that I love was slowly changing into something so ugly and vile that I was ashamed of being associated with. But even through this transformation, I believed that not all hope was lost. Through all the political rhetoric, I constantly remind myself of the types of people that I have met through my life. I believed in my fellow Malaysians.

I will tell anyone who asks me, that Malaysia is truly a paradise (if we discount the politics). We have a beautiful natural environment with challengingly high mountains, soft sandy beaches, calm blue seas and luscious rainforests. The food is the greatest in the world and the people are nice and, most importantly, tolerant of each others misgivings. There is definitely no better place to call home.

So, that is why I wish for a good election day. I want the results to show me hope that, the Malaysia I know and love, is not lost. I want to be able to believe in the ideals that we were once striving towards together. I want to know that regardless of the noises at the top, the foundations are strong and stable. I want to dream of a future together and I want to love again.

Okay. This blog has been a little thick. Now, for some political jokes from our main opposition party leader:

of chocolates...

Oh my! Where have all the tasty Belgian chocolates gone to? There's only one more left in the photo. I lie. There's actually three more left, but by the time anyone reads this, chances are, there's going to be only one left. The chocolates were good, mind you. Thank you again!

Personally, I never had much chocolate as I was growing up. In fact, I have never had much of anything sweet at all. For some reason, I had never developed a sweet tooth as a child. I had no particular craving for sweets, which was a good thing. But I do have memories of placing milk chocolates behind the fridge in order to melt it. So, I'm sure that I did like chocolates.

For much of my life, chocolates came in two varieties (with and without nuts) but only in one colour: milk chocolate brown. It wasn't till I was much older that I realised that you could buy white and dark chocolates. In fact, I had just recently found out that you could actually buy chocolate with specific amounts of cocoa content in them. These are usually used for baking but there's nothing wrong just eating them direct. As you can tell, my knowledge of chocolates has been extremely basic.

However, I do like chocolate drink. I don't drink coffee. So, whenever I go out with anyone to a coffee place, I always end up ordering hot chocolate. At one time, during my silly undergrad days, I drank nothing but Milo with cold milk. It was during this time that I discovered that you could actually dilute the powder in milk if it was cold enough. I was too lazy to boil water each time I wanted a drink and the powder refused to dilute itself in cold water. Don't ask me how it works, but it works!

But for some reason, I have never quite liked chocolate ice cream. But that's probably just because I don't normally buy expensive chocolate ice cream. With regular quality ice cream, the chocolate flavours are very dilute and end up tasting more like ice, than cream. However, I do like ice cream coated in chocolate. I like the feeling of biting into the frozen chocolate coating and feeling it crunch in my mouth. Yum!

So, although I have enjoyed various chocolaty products in life, I have not really been a chocolate connoisseur. However, it is never too late to start and I think that I will try to indulge in it a little more. Good chocolates taste sinfully good.

Rifle Shooting

I was randomly trawling around the Net the other day when I came across my scores from last year's shooting competition. And I was fairly surprised at my scores! Turns out that I'm not too bad with a rifle. And I really love the 0.22 small bore rifles. They are just so fun to shoot!

Okay, I know that my scores weren't earth shatteringly impressive (only in the 80%-tile). But I'm happy with the scores nonetheless. I'm not dedicated enough to train rigorously for it. I guess that I have to thank all the many hours I had spent on first person shooters, for my score. I only join competitions for fun as I shoot for the fun factor. I just like the feeling of squeezing the trigger and have a gun go off. Bang!!

Shooting a rifle is very different from shooting a pistol. I definitely suck at pistol. I don't have enough patience to wait for it. I tend to anticipate my shots and squeeze them off before it's ready. Rifles are more fun to shoot with. I can just pick one up and fire off a few rounds accurately. That's why it's fun to shoot. Just pick it up, squeeze, recoil, reload, rinse and repeat. Fun!!!

I actually thought of buying an air pistol and bringing it home with me. It's not too expensive and it doesn't require a license to own in the UK. It would be a fun, and potentially useful, toy to have. Unfortunately, according to a family friend who is an SP back home, we require a license to own an air pistol at home. Seeing that I do not have a license, I would not be able to bring it home. So, I guess that it's back to first person shooters for me! Saves me the money too!

PS: I actually got an entry form sent to me the other day, from the NRA, for another competition coming up. Was very interesting since I had never received anything like this before!

Quake and Chocolates!!

Wow. I have managed to experience a proper earthquake here. A proper quake that measured 5.2 on the Richter scale at the epicentre. The experience wasn't one of shock or fear but rather more subdued in my case.

When it first started, and I heard banging on the wall, the first thought that occurred to me was: Why was my neighbour making such a racket? It sounded like my neighbour was throwing a tantrum in his room. Obviously, this thought did not last very long.

When the house started to shake, I then thought: Which idiotic trailer driver is speeding down the main road in the middle of the night? The thing is that spent the last two years living in a house that shakes every time a bus or large lorry drives past. So, I'm not unfamiliar with shaking houses.

Then, my chair started to shake and the entire house felt like it was vibrating in circles. Then I started to wonder: What is happening or am I hallucinating? But before I could check whether or not it was a hallucination, things stopped. So, I wasn't sure if anything had actually happened. Maybe I was just imagining things as I was already exhaustedly brain dead at the time. It would not surprise me if my mind started playing tricks on me.

So, I thought that it was a good time to stop working and go to bed. As I was getting over to the bed, there was a slight vibration as well. So, I thought that I must've been so exhausted that I could not even walk straight any more. It's not uncommon for me to feel this way as I regularly work till I drop. So, it was certainly a good time to call it a day.

It was not till I woke up the next morning and checked my RSS feeds that I noticed that an earthquake had actually happened. I asked a few other people about it and it turned out that most people slept through the whole thing. How unfortunate! I'm happy that I had managed to experience a relatively decent earthquake. Although I was a bit blur at the time, the memory is still quite vivid.

Then in the evening, I went over to college for a cookout with some mates. Lo and behold! I found a package waiting for me in the p'lodge. The package had arrived by next day delivery. Inside the package was a little box wrapped in a ribbon and a gift card, as pictured on the left.

One of my blog readers (you know who you are) had sent me a gift of fairly expensive Belgian chocolates. I am not allergic to nuts but I'm a bit hesitant to consume them as they all look so nice. I'll just have to savour them slowly. Anyway, thanks a lot! I really appreciate the kind gesture (and the chocolates of course). Chocolate is bound to lift up the spirits.

Thank you!

UPDATE@1830: Seems like I cannot savour them slowly. There's a warning in the box which says that they cannot be kept for too long as they're all made from fresh ingredients. So, I guess that I'll just have to eat them up as soon as I can! And they taste so good....

Headless Prawn

I am even more blur than a big headed prawn. I was a totally headless prawn today. I did something quite unlike myself. I missed a lab mark-up session. I hope that it did not cause too much of a stir.

I think that the chief technician in charge of the lab was probably a little surprised. I came in very early in the morning today, before classes started, to hand in a small deck of reports that I had just finished marking last night. I met the chief technician and passed it to him. Then, I went to the next building to work on the 3rd year VLSI project.

All the while, I felt like something was amiss (you know, the kind of feeling you get that you cannot even sit properly). But I didn't know what was wrong. Then, it occurred to me that my mark-up day was today. But by then, it was already 10.45am. So, I checked my schedule and realised that I had missed the entire mark-up session! And I got an email at 11.15am from the chief technician telling me that I had missed this morning's mark-up session. Sigh...

Blur case. I really have no excuse. But it was an honest mistake. It wasn't like I was still asleep in bed. I had just forgotten about the session. The chief technician must be wondering where I was, since he saw me come in this morning.

I am really getting dumber and dumberer.

Blur Sotong

Blur sotong is a phrase that I use on someone who is totally blur. The reason for it has been lost in posterity. I was researching on the DAP for an angle to blog about when I received two emails from two equally blur sotong. In the end, I decided to blog about these two sotong instead.

The first blur sotong is organising a cookout for our engineering students here. We have an annual cookout for the Malaysian/Singaporean engineering students here. She sent out an email with the details of the cookout. She had also mentioned that she does not know who most of the Malaysian first years are. I cannot say that I blame her there as the first years this year seem so low profile. So, she asked us to help circulate the email around.

I was curious to see who might be coming. So, I scanned through the email list. Lo-and-behold, there was a member of the general public, who got invited. Granted, he is friends with many of us engineering students. But I found this unacceptable for a couple of reasons. First, she knowingly missed out a bunch of the existing students. Then, she also missed out a senior alum who is still working in Cambridge. But she included someone totally random!

The second blur sotong volunteered to help get me a ticket for a Beethoven performance. But I got an email instead, asking me if I still qualified for a student ticket. Granted, I was one of the IDP demonstrators but I'm still a student, okay! I think that this is my indicator that I've been around for far too long. People are no longer sure if I qualify as a student anymore.

Personally, I've got nothing against these two blur sotong. They are both very nice people with wonderful characters. Just that I got both of their emails at the same time. The weirdest thing is that both them have been described by many people as having a similar character. I guess that it has been proven now! They are both equally blur! Hahahaha!

Blur Sotong!!

PS: So, you'll need to wait for my next political blog.

Emotions and Weakness

I was just pondering this in the morning on my way to work. I'm a fairly emotional person. So, I was just wondering if being emotional was a sign of character weakness. The opinions expressed here are obviously biased. So, read on with massive doses of salt.

Having emotions has certainly been bothersome to me. At times, I feel that it's better to have a switch that I could throw to turn them off, especially emotions of anger and sadness. Being a person who works intimately with computers, I can appreciate their clarity of logic and certainty of calculation. I sometimes envy these machines that I work with.

Being an emotional person means that my mood swings fairly regularly. It's like taking a roller coaster ride. I will get depressed at times and be absolutely high with joy at other times. I will also experience anger and frustration fairly often. When I get hit by a bad day, everything just goes off. I cannot concentrate on my work and I cannot do much else except fret. Today was one such day. So, I went into the department to do some brainless work (writing idiot friendly instructions for the 3rd year VLSI project) while I should actually be working on my research project.

But on the other hand, if I was not emotional, I would not have been able to achieve all that I have. I am a very passionate person. I do something because I love to do it not because I have to do it. When I am in love with it, I can be totally driven in my pursuit of it. I need neither food nor rest. At times, even when my brain tells me to give up, my heart tells me to go on, and my heart usually wins. This blind devotion has allowed me to accomplish all that I have. Without emotions, I doubt that I'd be so blindly driven.

So, my conclusion is that emotions are a potential weakness and strength. Then, the question that needs to be asked is whether or not emotions had anything to do with character strength at all. Personally, I don't think that there's causality between the two but each supports the other instead. It is certainly possible to be emotional and strong as well as non-emotional and weak.

But I do think that I should be less emotional, publicly, though sometimes it can get very difficult.

Why?

I did another 4 hours of teaching work today. As a result, it was another WaaD day, albeit a lesser one.

Things started off quite well in the morning. I had a meeting on the VLSI project that I was designing for 3rd year undergraduates. We finally agreed that they will be tasked to design a digital voltmeter (DVM). This topic had been offered as Masters projects for the last few years and nobody has successfully built one. I'm going to have to build one within the next fortnight or so to ensure that everything works properly. The final design agreed upon would be a fair amount of mixed circuit work.

Then, things started to go downhill when I started to mark 2nd year lab reports. I met a student who had entirely different results from that of his lab partner. Not only were the results different, they were wrong. For example, the refractive index for glass was labelled as perspex. I was hesitant in accusing the person of plagiarising the report as I did not have any evidence.

But it was fairly obvious that either he or his partner did. So, I just kept silent and stared at the both of them questioningly. His partner claimed that his results were the original ones that they got. Unfortunately, neither of them could produce their original lab notes. Then he admitted that he might have fudged the results a bit because they didn't make any sense. That's essentially admitting that he had not done his work.

So, I gave him two options. He could either redo his report or I can fail him. It was entirely up to him. He chose to redo the report. I then dismissed him to mark up his partner's report. Unfortunately, this year, I'm only marking the ones on Tuesday. There are other people marking at other times. So, he could feasibly get away with signing up for a mark up session on another day and probably get away with not doing his work. As long as I don't have to pass him, my conscience is clear.

But I ended the day fine with the bunch of first years doing C++ programming. They didn't suck as much as the second years did yesterday. In fact, all of them managed to complete their task before my lunch. They had to write about 10 lines of code as well. There was a pair that I was particularly worried about as both of them seemed extremely blur. But they are worth saving as they do give things a good attempt.

Then things became even better when I went for lion dance and met a friend practising piano in the music room. He sounded quite good so I went up to observe him play. I then pointed out some technique and stylistic errors that he could work on. He hits the keys with his fingers. But to play well, he needs to learn to caress the keys. This will involve using his wrists more and lowering their centre of gravity. I'd also noticed that he doesn't have enough strength, which also stems from having a stiff wrist as it wastes energy. I think I'd prefer teaching this friend the piano to teaching the undergrads.

PS: My neighbour has brought a girl back to his room tonight and they have been laughing and giggling in his room for the last 15 minutes. I wonder why... It's already past midnight. I hope that they don't keep it up for too long. I'd like to get some sleep!

We are all DOOMED!

Today, I had a 'We are all DOOMED!' (WaaD) day at work. This typically happens when I have a C++ demonstration in the department. Today, I had 4 straight hours of it, starting with the first year engineers and ending with the second years. The good news is that I did not lose my patience with any of the undergraduates. The bad news is that I have already given up on the hope that these undergrads can actually learning any programming.

The second years had, what I would call, a walk in the park today. Their assignment literally involves writing less than 10 lines of code in two hours. Their tasks get progressively tougher. But of the dozen students that I had today, none of them managed to finish the task. Everything else was already provided and they could just cut-n-paste the code. These are the actual lines that they had to write:

double y = 0;
for (int i=p.size()-1; i>0; --i) y = (y + p[i]) * x; return (y + p[0]);
for (int i=p.size()-1; i>0; --i) d[i-1] = i * p[i];

Some of them could not wrap their heads around translating a simple math expression for evaluating polynomials into a loop. These people are worth saving. So, I generally ask them to imagine that all they have is a normal calculator and write down what they would do, step by step, if they had to compute it by hand. Then I asked them to analyse what they did and translate that into code. Some of them managed to figure it out, some of them did not. They will get better at this with time.

Many of them have the simplest problems with the language itself. They don't understand what the keywords mean and they don't know the meaning of the curly braces used to mark blocks of code. When I meet these students, I just know that it's going to go very badly. When they cannot even read or write the language, I don't understand how they could ever hope to finish the task. These people are not worth saving. They will never improve if they do not do their homework.

All of them have one major problem. They have trouble reading the instruction sheets that are in English. I'm not joking. These people have already been given everything necessary to complete their task, in a step by step manner, in the instruction sheets. If they are capable of reading it, they should have no problems doing it. Sadly, one student actually asked me if I spoke Chinese! I refused to answer her and continued to speak only in English.

Actually, I should not just express my frustrations of the undergrads. I am actually just as frustrated at one of the other demonstrators. This is not the first time that I heard him utter nonsense. He actually suggested that a student use a global variable to keep track of a value. I was utterly shocked when I heard that. However, I did not say anything as I did not want to undermine this demonstrator. Good thing was that the course leader came along and corrected the problem.

This lead me to one sad conclusion. All the horror stories that I've heard of computer science PhDs who fail job interviews because they cannot even write a simple for-loop, are probably true. It wouldn't surprise me at all if they were. I just hope that I'd never need to interview anyone like these in the future.

PS: It is a cardinal sin to use global variables unless absolutely necessary and it should never be necessary for correctly designed software. Some people did not believe me when I told them that a computer cannot do a square or cube or any other power.

Just a little tired

Just feeling a little tired today. I guess that I'm just feeling a little drained. But I felt that I should blog a little bit before knocking off.

Well, there are a couple of hours more before the poll on this blog closes. However, I doubt that the results would change by much in the final hours. It seems that an overwhelming majority of the people who bothered to vote, reckon that I should mainly blog about myself. I guess it makes sense.

My political blogs are personal commentaries anyway. So, they are a dime a dozen on the Internet. If someone is interested in reading about Malaysian politics, there are plenty of other better sources. My blog is only suitable reading for people interested in my personal bias on the issues. So, I will restrict myself to only writing on political things that I feel passionate about. No more pot shots at our heads of government.

My technology blogs are again, personal commentaries on the things that are happening in the technology world. Unfortunately, most of my blog readers aren't interested in boring technology developments. I tended to talk about the business aspects rather than pure technical stuff. And again, there are many other better sources of these things.

So, in the end, the one thing that makes this blog special, is me. So, it makes sense that I should blog more about myself. I have to give a word of warning though. My life is fairly dull. I am a geek. You cannot possibly expect too much excitement from me. Recent events cannot possibly happen everyday. However, I will try my best to blog a bit more about myself and my experiences in life.

UPDATE+1: Seems like there were a few last minute voters. However, you didn't change the results by much. The overwhelming majority still prefers personal blogs.

Anguish

Yes, there are many interesting things happening today. It's the 7th day of the Chinese lunar calendar. Traditionally, on this day, every Chinese gains one year in age. Also, our parliament has just been dissolved as our PM is expected to call for snap elections. The whole election machinery has been kicked into service. I should have a lot to say about all that is happening. However, I am not going to talk about these things. I shall instead talk about myself.

What I had planned on doing today:

• Wake up in the morning, go to the florist on Magdalene Street and select a bouquet of fresh flowers, 6 red roses and 3 white lilies.
  
• On my way back, drop by Glassworks to get a gift coupon for a full body massage and spa.
  
• While passing through town, go hunt for an elegant medium sized trinket box. Stick the gift coupon onto the underside of the bottom drawer, out of sight.
  
• Fill up the box with tonnes of chocolate. Wrap up the box with a nice wrapping paper and a knotted ribbon on top.
  
• Write a short note on a small card to explain that the real gift is at the bottom of everything. Stick the card on top of the box.
  
• In the afternoon, get a haircut and confirm dinner reservations.

What I ended up doing today:

• Woke up in the morning, eyes all swollen, and almost immediately, began to continue letting it out.
  
• Checked some email and found out that our parliament had been dissolved overnight. Didn't quite excite me as it should.
  
• Spent the rest of the morning hiding under my duvet. Good thing I didn't have any teaching responsibilities today. I'll be teaching tomorrow and Friday though.
  
• By the afternoon, treated a good friend to lunch (thanks for trying to cheer me up by telling me random stories).
  
• Splurged a little on some really nice sushi and dimsum for the both of us. I recommend J's Restaurant on Regent St for some authentic good food.
  

Your regular programming should resume after a break. Don't worry about me. I'm not a little boy and I can take it. I just need to work through things. This one is very different from any of the others.

*** image is not mine ***

UPDATE+1: I've decided what needs to be done next. I'd like to say thank you to some of my friends for offering to help. However, this is something that I'll need to work through on my own.

This is ROFLOL!

I love PhDComics. I recommend anyone planning on entering graduate school to read it. It's friggin' hilarious! Today's comic made me laugh so hard. Alright, it might be a tad geeky for normal people to understand, but it's soooo funny. To the engineers among you, I hope that you enjoy the joke (unless of course you are an undergrad, in which case the joke's on you!).

*** image from phdcomics.com .. used without permission but i assume that it should be okay, as the author allows sharing the comics through other services. ***

Depression

Depression. I hate the feeling. It comes out of nowhere and hits full force when least expected. When I should actually be happy, I find myself feeling the exact opposite. From wikipedia, clinical depression exhibits the following symptoms and signs:

1. Persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood
2. Loss of appetite
3. Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
4. Restlessness or irritability
5. Feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt, helplessness
6. Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
7. Difficulty thinking, concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
8. Thoughts of death or suicide or attempts at suicide
9. Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed
   
10. Decreased energy
11. Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as digestive disorders

Aside from feeling suicidal, I would have to say that I've been experiencing everything else. I guess that the only question is the duration and how badly it affects my general lifestyle. If things get too bad, I should really get some medical help. I should just take things easy, but I can't. This place is quite literally killing me. I really need to get out of this rut as soon as possible and return to my old happy self.

EDIT@1500: Decided to sleep it off. Got up at 9am and lay in bed, doing nothing, until almost noon. Taking it easy. d:

UPDATE+1: I'm fine already. Sleeping in did me a world of good. This is still the top post because there's nothing else to blog about at the moment. Hopefully, I'll have other things to write about soon.