Tales from the Front

It isn't over till it's over. But, following the election results live on MalaysiaKini, I am intrigued to imagine what must be going through the heads of our top politicians. Early results seem to indicate that many of the big guns are headed for slaughter. However, at times like these, I am constantly reminded of this quote from BattleStar Galactica:

There's always a backup plan for victory. -- Tory (S2E20)

This may seem rather lame, since I'm taking political advice from a fictional television programme. A friend of mine has just called my cynical. All I can say is that my enthusiasm has been tempered by experience. Victory can always be ensured if someone wants it badly enough.

So, as for the dude in the picture on the right, his name is Mortanius, a necromancer from the Legacy of Kain video game. He is like our necromancer in chief. A necromancer is someone who dabbles in the magic of the dead. Now, this is going to seem doubly lame now, since I'm using a video game character to talk about our politics. But this has something to do with the backup plan for victory.

I can still remember a famous scene from the 2004 general elections that showed a particular MP in tears in the operations room. Initial counts had shown that this MP had lost. It was only after the recounts that the MP was declared a winner. This is the point that I am trying to raise.

After consulting the oracle, our necromancer in chief realised the extent of the troubles. Ill wind was blowing in from the north. Phantoms had to be summoned to the front lines to affect the results at targeted locations. But these phantoms tend to float around in flocks and can be detected with the use of a magic ink. So, In order to ensure victory, the ink had to be gotten rid off. Some minions were dispatched to the north, to disrupt the supply of the magic ink by any means possible and to achieve this task.

However, even that may not be enough to ensure victory. So, an undead army needs to be summoned in order to help resurrect the ailing fortunes of certain leaders. The problem with deploying the undead at the 11th hour is that their numbers are finite. Some parties have estimated their numbers to be in the thousands only, and most of them liked to sleep together in tight little coffins. But the way that things seem to be turning out, chances are that they are not enough and some leaders will fall today.

News is filtering in slowly and what I have read is sketchy. However, it is beginning to emerge that the fight is almost won. A night elf priestess seems to have inflicted a 36,600 point damage and staked her ground. This is quite possibly the highest damage score I've seen before. The combined armies of the Alliance have managed to secure two key states in the north and seem to be on the way to conquering more.

Rumours are whispering that a fiery, young, beautiful blood elf princess has gracefully slain an evil old hag. I just hope that the old hag does not try to repeat her act of recounts till victory of 2004. Another state has almost fallen as well, with 43% of the land taken. They only need another 8% to capture the state and are on the way to doing so.

Several oracles have predicted before the election that up to five states in the north will fall into the hands of the Alliance. It seems that they are on their way to fulfilling prophecy. Warnings are being issued everywhere, to show humility in victory and not take to the streets. We would not want to give anyone any excuse to play the 1969 card and impose martial law. Stay home! Stay safe!

PS: You can tell that I am excited!

Communications Blackout

Last week, it emerged that three (some say four) submarine cables that ferry the Internet around the world had been cut, over just as many days.

Having one cable cut isn't usually very interesting news. Yes, it would cost a bundle of money to fix it, but it isn't really news worthy as the Internet was designed to withstand exactly this sort of problem. Packets may take longer to travel around the world, but they will still get there.

But, having three cables lost one day after the other, is very mysterious indeed. It was initially attribute to some stupid captain of a random ship who might have forgotten to raise her anchor. A big ship dragging it's anchor across one of these cables is the most obvious way to cut these cables. It has happened before.

However, recent reports have emerged from the Egyptian Ministry of Communications, which say that this is an unlikely scenario. Analysis of video surveillance of the shipping lanes around the area show that no ships were in the vicinity when the cables were cut. Also, the cables are a designated no-go zone, ruling out any commercial ship as the possible perpetrator of such stupidity.

As a result of this massive loss of bandwidth, countries around the region had lost a lot of capacity. Egypt issued a call to all it's citizens to ration their own bandwidth usage and to reduce downloading too much porn movies music unnecessary data. India complained of affects on it's technology business as network connections had to be rerouted.

Amidst all this, one thing that has gone unnoticed by most mainstream media is this: Iran has dropped off the map. Yes, that's right. With the cuts, Iran is no longer connected to the rest of the world, via the Internet. Quoting a /. reader:

Once is accident.
Twice is coincidence.
Thrice is enemy action.

This story will be another conspiracy theorist plum. According to reports, no surface ships were in the vicinity when the cables were cut. There is another kind of ship that could possibly cut these submarine cables, which would not appear on any surveillance as they are designed to evade them. Not many countries operate them, especially anywhere near the middle east..

All this reminds me of a scene from Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace, which I shall link to here:


** image from The Times Online **