Thursday, February 01, 2007

Should I jump into the sea again?

That's a pretty suicidal question to ask. But ask it I will. Should I jump into the sea again? It's not a literal question. The reason that this question came about suddenly is because someone (who tells me that I'm lucky enough to be considered a friend!) asked me about it today, and I didn't have an answer to give. All I said was "I don't know".

One friend thought that I might be afraid of getting hurt again and therefore, I'm not willing to jump in. Well, that thought has certainly crossed my mind. It is a risk to jump into the sea again. If I'm lucky, I may float and survive. However, if I'm unlucky, I may drown or get maimed! Interesting prospect to think about. However, if I were to jump in blindly, it's not right either as it would most certainly result in disaster.

Another friend of mine has been suggesting that I get back into the fray as soon as possible and that it was time for me to move on. Heck, my friend even suggested some potential targets for me! Unfortunately, I don't trust in my friend's taste! Hahahaha. But I have to agree that it's time to move on. I think that my grieving is over and I've come to the stage of acceptance. I'm still a little bitter about things but that's to be expected. And the only way to find out if I have the ability to move on is to get back into the fray.

Well, another way out occured to me in a discussion with another friend. I'd probably have another few more years where I'd have to actually fight it out in the open arena with everyone else. This is scary as I've reached the point where I have to compete with people who're better equiped and better prepared than I am. And to go into battle ill prepared is just asking for a horrible death. So, maybe I should take some time to equip myself and make preparations before jumping in again.

Haha! I'm starting to make this sound so morbid, with talk of war, dismemberment and death. Well, in many ways, it is just as serious and just as deadly. And in other ways, it's just as useless and stupid. So, it's an apt comparison. But like I told another friend the other day, this is all a question of confidence. And with my self confidence at the level that it is now, it's not going to appeal to anyone. So, for now, I would have to say tha the final conclusion is: Wu Wei.

PS. I just got notification that my paper got accepted for a presentation at the UKEF07 at Durham. They're asking me for the final abstract to be included in the proceedings. I'll do it later.


Dan said...

sometimes not doing anything is doing something.

Shawn Tan said...

wahlau.. i'm beginning to wonder how often you check my blog man...

Dan said...

it's on RSS feed. i check when you update :P

~ xYz ~ said...

haha i think shawn has at least a post a day =p

Shawn Tan said...

aren't you supposed to be studying??

weishen said...

You jump I jump! Lolz...jia you!

Shawn Tan said...

oh my goodness... i just watched titanic tonite!!

Dan said...

eh weishen, that sounds rather gay :P

What A Lulu said...

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

Bette Midler - The Rose

Shawn Tan said...

thanks for the really inspirational song.. i'll mull over it for a while..