Sunday, March 18, 2007

All alone in a room full of people

I sort of remember reading a phrase that sounded like that once. All alone in a room full of people. For some reason, this evening, I began to understand what it meant by being alone in a room full of people.

It just means, not being able to trust anyone. Over here, I generally have a lot of friends. We hang out all the time and do stuff together. However, a certain level of trust is not present. I've realised that 'm all on my own here. No one has got my back, which is kind of sad.

Back when I was in school/university, I had people I could count on. People whom I knew, had my back and I had theirs as well. Over here, there are too many opportunistic people who have mastered the skill of self preservation and exploitation. Well, it is a survival skill, and I do not blame anyone for it. I'm just ranting, that's all.

Some time ago, I blogged about feeling taken for granted. Since then, I have come to realise that most of the time, I am taken for granted by most people, although some people don't. Some people have asked me about a subtle but noticeable change in my character/attitude. Well, I'm just adapting to the present environment.

This may actually be something or be totally nothing. I don't rightfully know. I've always been a very independent person in life. However, I've rarely felt as alone as I do at this point in time. I don't know, maybe it's the generation gap, or maybe it's just being away from home for so long, or maybe I'm just being too sensitive.

Whichever it is, I'm certainly not in a right place, emotionally. So, if anyone thinks that I'm being too moody, it may get worse. If people notice subtle changes in my character, it may not be over yet. Hopefully, things will work out for the better, as they usually do.

*** image of jesus chapel ceiling, notice the chickens ***

PS. A plethora of blogs today as I will be away for the next few days.

1 comment:

~ xYz ~ said...

i understand what you mean.. i feel so too.

you can have many friends; but the more you're surrounded by them the more lonely you feel, as you see them talk you feel like you dont fit in with anything at all.

this is the type of feeling i have here most of the time, which, i have to admit, is quite sad, really. i miss secondary school life sooooo much!!